


Those few hours (I feared for you)

by Blackwidowislyfe



Series: They say the first day is always the hardest [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Art, Bedwetting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Except its not, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mild Language, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Secrets, Separation Anxiety, This is the only one with two chapters, Yes I just made Pinkie Bear a character, going on a mission, no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4721228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidowislyfe/pseuds/Blackwidowislyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint and Phil have to go on a mission, so Natasha meets Maria Hill. They get along nicely, and then everything goes to shit in the field. Natasha may not be ready to handle that....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this thing has two chapters, simply because it was so LONG. Or could they stand to be longer? Hmm.... Anyways, this came out of me one day not to long ago when someone that I was close with at work was.... forced to resign. I quit about a month later. But yeah, that's why it seems sort of angsty. Otherwise enjoy!

Natasha panicked internally. Maybe this wasn't happening. Maybe this was all just another one of those horrid nightmares and any minute now Clint would come in and wake her up and things would be fine. But somewhere inside her head she knew that wasn't the truth. She whimpered, trying to fight the tears she knew were coming. She hoped Maria Hill was as nice to her now as she had been earlier.

 

A FEW DAYS BEFORE:

 

"Nat, we need to talk," Clint said as he and Phil sat at the breakfast table. They had made her hot chocolate. They knew it was her favorite thing. This was a very bad sign.

 

 

"What's going on?" She asked nervously, looking at the drink rather than sipping it. Pinky Bear was secure in her arms.

 

"Nothing is wrong per se," Phil started. "We just have a mission."

 

"Oh," she shrugged, not getting it yet.

 

"That's all you have to say?" Clint asked, a bit of confusion tinting his features.

 

"I mean I don't ENJOY sitting around with Phil but..."

 

"Natasha," Phil said gently. "I have to go into the field with Clint. You can't come. You haven't been cleared yet."

 

Oh.  _Oh. OH! "_ But... But where am I- I mean the Director SAID he wouldn't kill me but- and then the bear and- and-"

 

"Breathe Tasha, breathe," Clint said, coming over to hug her. She was shaking and on the verge of tears. 

 

"We asked around and you have a couple of options," Phil said. "You mentioned Tina, and since I'm training her, Clint and I are fine if she stays here while we're gone, or Agent Hill has offered to let you stay with her in her on-base quarters."

 

Natasha chewed her lip. They told her not to hide how she felt, that it was a bad thing to do. But old habits die hard. And besides, as far as she knew, Agent Hill hadn't seen her disgrace herself. "Agent Hill," she said evenly. Phil looked at Clint, who must have given some sort of look of his own before Phil nodded. "I'll let her know."

 

THE NEXT AFTERNOON....

 

"You have everything?" Clint asked as he stood in the doorway of Natasha's bedroom. She nodded slowly, and as she did so, Clint saw Pinkie Bear's ears poking out of her backpack. "Good, cuz I have a present for you."

 

"Clint I really don't-" 

 

"Hush silly girl," he said, digging around in his pocket. At least it was small. He finally pulled out a silver key. "Since you're officially a member of SHIELD, I figured it best you have a key to this place."

 

Natasha took the small piece of metal into her hands, examining it. "Does this mean...?"

 

"Consider it a welcome gift, since I'm officially your handler," he smiled.

 

Natasha glanced at the key, then at Clint, then back at the key. She pocketed the object with not a hint of the emotions she was feeling. "I'm ready."

 

Clint nodded, leading her out to the living room. "Natasha, this is Assistant Director Hill," he said evenly.

 

Natasha paled. Surely she knew what had gone on in that blasted cell. What the director had said. What she had done....

 

She didn't realize she was having a panic attack until Clint had her in his big, strong, arms, whispering softly to her. "....the bear Tasha. Where did you pack him?" Clint whispered. She sniffled and pointed a shaky hand at her backpack. Phil dug Pinkie Bear out, and silently handed the bear over to her. She buried her face in his soft fur, that smelled like.... like Clint?

 

"I made sure I put some of my cologne on there for you, in case this happens while we're away," He explained quietly. Natasha nodded. Even though she didn't feel ready, she tried to shove the panic away, with more success than she had thought she would have, and wiggled herself out of Clint's arms.

 

"I-I'm sorry Miss Hill," She stammered, fearing rebuke.

 

Maria looked at Clint, before she continued. "Just call me Maria, or Agent Hill. Whatever is easier on you," She explained in a voice that sounded strangely Canadian, but still put her at ease. Phil lead her into the hall while the grown-ups talked (His analogy, not hers). When Clint and Maria finally returned, She threw herself onto Clint.

 

"Come back to me," She begged softly.

 

"I swear Tasha, I'm coming back. And when I do we'll get you caught up on all the Disney Princess movies you missed," He said, earning a small laugh from the two agents behind him. Natasha nodded, un-hugging Clint before grabbing her bear and crushing that to her chest. As Natasha walked down the hall away from Clint, she tried hard to keep her breathing even.

 

Maria eventually stopped in front of a large door. She placed her palm on the scanner and it opened instantly, revealing a lush suite, something similar to Clint's place, but....  _bigger._ There was more space, and the furnishing was a little less worn. Actually, it didn't look like anyone was ever really here. "....So this is where you'll be staying until they get back," Maria pointed to the guest bedroom, opening the door for Natasha. Again, like her room at Clint's but... bigger. Even the bed looked larger. "I know it's nothing special but it was last minute and I didn't want Director Fury to butt in."

 

"Does he still hate me?" Natasha asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, bear still crushed to her chest.

 

"Not directly," Maria said, sitting with her. "He's just a bit leery to trust you, because he thinks you'll go rogue again. I think Clint was right and you deserve a second chance. After everything you've been through Natasha... You deserve a chance to be free."

 

Was she ever truly going to be free though? She doubted it. "So what do you do all day?" Natasha asked.

 

"Meetings, meetings, and more meetings," Maria sighed. "And I have to be in command at seven since that's when Clint and Phil are supposed to land. You can stay here or come with. We don't have to go anywhere until after lunch."

 

Natasha nodded. She ended up curling up on the bed. "....Can we watch a movie?" Maria smiled. Turned out she had as many Disney movies as Clint, but she preferred the animal ones over princesses. They ended up watching a movie about two dogs who fell in love and had a lot of puppies. Then they were dog-napped by this lady who had an unhealthy obsession with fur coats. "Isn't that sort of thing illegal?" Natasha finally asked.

 

Maria shrugged. "I suppose. It wasn't really okay in the sixties either," she answered.

 

"In Russia all the rich women had fur coats," Natasha explained. "That's how I knew who my targets usually were." Maria wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so she settled for a smile and a pat to the head.

 

"You hungry? I have some yummy sandwich stuff." Natasha nodded eagerly, following the woman to the kitchen, eyeing the box on the table carefully.

 

Maria smiled. "Let's take a peek."


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets a little bit more angsty, and there is some bed-wetting in this half, as well as panic attack(s) and glossed over past non-con. So be warned. If this gets too heavy for you, I will post a synopsis at the end. :)

"Let's take a peek," Maria smiled. In truth it was a present she was HOPING would keep Natasha still and well-behaved (And hopefully panic-attack free) while she was in meetings all day. She handed Natasha the package and smiled when the girl gasped. Inside was one of her blank sketchbooks, along with a coloring book and some crayons. Maria was quite fond of art, and had found it to be quite a stress reliever (Something she sorely needed in her line of work). She hoped it would work for Natasha as well. "Do you like it?"

 

Natasha nodded tearily. She still wasn't quite used to the idea of presents with no strings attached. It vaguely crossed her mind she should be "thanking" Maria for her gift, but the rational part of her told her not to. Maria let her examine them while she made lunch: Chicken and tomato sandwiches with arugula on her Panini press. She also grabbed two bottles of juice out of the fridge and a bag of sweet potato chips as well, ever the health nut. Natasha had decided to wait to use them and instead let Maria set the table. They ate in companionable silence, and Natasha sighed when she finally finished.

 

"Did you get enough to eat?" Maria asked. She didn't often deal with the refugees that SHIELD came across, but she noticed that they ALWAYS looked underfed. Natasha nodded eagerly, and Maria smiled. "Good. Go wash your hands while I get ready to go," She finished instructing. As Natasha slipped off into the guest bedroom, Maria made a mental to do list. Her notes were waiting on the table, she had Natasha's art supplies, the woman's folder (She really needed to look through that later), and... the bear. If she left without the bear she was sure all hell would break loose. Luckily, when Natasha reemerged, she had it in her arms. Maria handed her the box, and off they went towards the conference room. Natasha was sat quietly outside the door, and the guards were instructed to inform her and only her if there were any problems. They nodded, saluting her. All in all things were relatively quiet. At least until someone came bustling towards the doors and the guards stopped them. 

 

"State your business," The taller, bulkier brunette said.

 

"A-an issue has arisen with Agents Coulson and Barton," He stammered. "Assistant Director Hill is needed in command ASAP." Brunette didn't take his eyes off of the guy but his counterpart, the one with sandy blonde hair, went into the room. Natasha, meanwhile, paled. No. Clint promised he would come back! Her breathing came more rapidly, and it was then that the others noticed her.

 

"Who's that?" He asked.

 

"I dunno, Hill just told me to make sure she was good and if she wasn't to get her," Brunette said. Hill and Blondie emerged from the room, and Natasha frantically stood.

 

"Breathe Tasha, I'm sure this is nothing," Hill assured the clearly frightened girl. The five of them made their way to command, Natasha cradling her bear the whole way. "Talk to me, what's going on?"

 

"Their plane went off radar thirteen minutes ago. It was hijacked and Agent Barton was taken. Agent Coulson landed the jet and was the one who contacted us." Natasha began shaking. Clint had been taken. Phil had lost contact. He was in trouble. Her chest was tight. He was in danger. Her hands shook. Clint might... He might... She couldn't bring herself to finish that thought, and she didn't realize she was on her way to the ground until Maria caught her. She couldn't help the loud sob that escaped her. Suddenly all the agents in the room were glaring at her, until Maria barked some command and they all begrudgingly turned back to their work. Natasha wanted so badly for Clint, but he was lost and she had to stay here and be good. And a panic attack was not part of being good.

 

All of a sudden a new voice entered her realm. That girl... Tina. She moved to sit with Natasha while Maria went back to the chaos that was this mission. Natasha remained fairly quiet as she settled. Tina had another blanket and offered it to Natasha.

 

"Why do you always have blankets?" She asked, wrapping it around the two of them.

 

"They suggested it in training," She explained. "Agent Coulson takes us through a psych training as well as physical and mental. They give us different coping techniques to try, and one that works on me is snuggling with blankets. They seems to work for you too, at least a little."

 

Natasha nodded and remained quiet after that. She was still trembling. All she could think about was Clint, and if he would be okay.

 

The day passed slowly, and Tina and Natasha eventually made their way to the cafeteria. 

 

"He'll be okay Tasha," Tina said, setting a sandwich in front of her.

 

"You don't know that," she mumbled, poking the bread with her finger. "He said when you get captured, you have to judge what's best for your safety."

 

"And Clint is an expert at that by now," Tina promised. Natasha was about to open her mouth when Maria sat down with them.

 

"How close are you?" Natasha asked her instantly.

 

"Phil is working on a plan with the others as we speak," she informed the girls. "We're probably going to send in a team for extraction."

 

Natasha nodded. "How is Phil?" She asked nervously.

 

"He's in mission mode Tasha, he's just fine," Maria assured her. "You need to eat."

 

Natasha really did try, but she could barely stand to put half of her sandwich in her stomach, worrying if Clint would be getting any supper. It didn't seem fair for her to eat and not him. Finally Tina went back to her quarters and Maria lead Natasha back to her own.

 

"How often does this happen?" She whispered.

 

"More than you'll ever know, especially with Clint," Maria said gently. "The boy is a danger magnet." Natasha nodded slowly, curling into a ball on Maria's bed. "You need to sleep Natasha."

 

"Uh uh," she said, cuddling her bear. "Nightmares."

 

"Do you want to stay here?" She offered. Strange as that would be, promises were made, and at least one had to be kept. Natasha shook her head frantically.

 

"I-I'll... I guess he would want me to sleep," she whispered. Maria nodded. Natasha sulked off to the guest bedroom. The bed was so big and nice and would be such a hassle to try and clean when she inevitably messed it up. But anxiety attacks were tiring and she was already worn out from stressing about CLINT. She curled up under the covers and she fell asleep.

 

* * * *

 

The next time she opened her eyes, it was morning. She could tell because of the smell of maple syrup and meat coming into the room. She sat up with a stretch, grimacing when she felt the soaked bed beneath her. She would have to deal with that today. She sighed and went to get in the shower and start the endless cycle of her day. It wasn't as bad as usual. Maria made sure not to mention anything about the mission or the fact that both of them looked like they had gotten next to no sleep. But then it got exponentially worse when Maria led her to the medical wing, bear in arms.

 

"No!" Natasha said, trying to run before the two beefy guards from the day before carried her into the therapy office. She screamed and cursed in Russian but it did her no good.

 

"Natasha," A new voice said. She looked up to see herself sitting with a new female. She was thin and blonde and had a ring on her finger. "I heard some things happened yesterday that upset you." Silence. Absolute silence. If she didn't talk it would give them less to use against her and make them let her go quicker. "Are you going to talk today or should we do something else?" Natasha raised an eyebrow and the blonde lady smirked. "Come on, do you like exercise?" It turned out that the medical wing had a recreational exercise room. No punching bags (Much to her disappointment), but she could run on the treadmill to her hearts content, and THAT is when she opened up about Clint, and the panic attacks, and a little bit about her bedwetting. The blonde took notes, until Natasha was sweaty and crying and barely jogging as the treadmill came to a complete stop.

 

"What if he never comes back?" She finally asked. The blonde looked torn between telling her the truth or a lie, when she finally settled on a compromise. "I think you'd still be here. Well taken care of, by all of us. But I think he's okay, and he'll come back Tasha." Another pretty lie she let herself believe. She decided she needed some alone time after that, and went back to Maria's place. It was quiet, clean. She showered again before stripping the bed and taking it to the wash, coming back up and passing out in Maria's bed.

 

* * * *

 

"Natasha?" Maria called. It was her voice that Natasha awoke to, and it took all of about twenty seconds for the color to drain from her face. Distraction, she needed a distraction.

 

"Um, I-I'll be out in a minute!" She called.

 

"Are you sure? I have good news," Maria said, her voice closer. Bad, this was very bad. She began shaking as she panicked. Think. Think... The lock! Stupid. She quickly locked the door. "Nat! What the hell?!"

 

"Um, I-I was... working on a surprise and it's not ready!" Stupidest. Response. Ever. Maria, ever the agent, began to pick the lock with one of her hairpins. Natasha's stomach dropped and she whimpered. Well, this was nice while it lasted. The door flew open, a slightly pissed off assistant director was about to demand answers before she realized they were spelled out in front of her. Huh. She momentarily thinks that she should have read Natasha's file when she was trying to sleep last night.

 

"Oh Nat," She finally said.

 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't mean to I'll clean it up and buy you a new bed and do whatever you want I promise just don't- Don't-"

 

"Natasha, come on, relax," Maria said, handing her the bear. She snuggled the thing close, trying to breathe in what little of Clint she had left, bitter tears rolling down her cheeks. "Come on, you're okay. You're safe Natasha. No one is going to hurt you, okay? It was just an accident."

 

Natasha sobbed harder, expecting to be hit or violated but instead she was gently scooped up and set down in the guest room. Maria dug out some extra clothes, and handed them to her. "Get dressed. They're back," she told her before leaving. Natasha steadied herself enough to try and get out her wet clothes. She could shower later. As soon as she was changed she ran to find Agent Hill, who was waiting by the door. As she followed her to the infirmary/medical wing, she tried to keep her breathing even. The last thing she wanted was to go into hysterics now...

 

Finally she saw him. He was unconscious and all cut up, bloody and he was covered in bruises. She wanted to scream his name, but she couldn't seem to form a coherent thought. Clint was here. He was alive. For the first time in a long time.... someone kept their promise to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who chose to skip:
> 
> Clint gets into trouble in the field, and Natasha kind of freaks out. Then things get awkward, and Clint is found and brought back to base. Huzzah!
> 
> Anyways, next update is kind of a landmine. Just be warned. ;)


End file.
